Introducing the WorkRepose3000™
Do you find yourself nodding off midway through an afternoon at work? Are you expected to be at your desk 7.5 hours a day or more, whereas you can do the actual job in four, three, or even two hours? Well, now you can have your cake and eat it too--or rather you can have your nap and sleep it too!
Studies have shown that a fifteen minute power-nap can increase productivity up to two hundred per cent. Yet there’s still stiff resistance to the introduction of mandatory staff napping in the American workplace. That's why we at WorkRestPlay Corporation are proud to introduce you to an innovative new product that will revolutionize work as we know it.
The WorkRepose3000™ (patent pending) will boost your productivity, add years to your life and make you the star of the office!
When you unpack your WorkRepose3000™, you'll find a CD-ROM to insert into the hard disk drive of your personal computer. Follow the prompts and soon enough you'll be asked to record several messages into your computer using the headset provided. That's all the preparation that's required. Easy!
Then, when you're ready to use the WorkRepose3000™, simply go to the nearest restroom on your way back from lunch. Place the provided glasses on your face, the headset on your ears, and slip on the super-comfortable WorkRepose3000™ corset under your work shirt. Return to your desk, drawing as little attention to yourself as possible, as the corset holds your arms in a fixed position not usually associated with walking.
Double-click the WorkRepose3000™ icon on your computer screen, put your phone on silent and settle in for the sweetest nap of your life. Your corset will hold you comfortably upright in your chair, the neck brace will stop your head from falling (a tell-tale sign for the eagle-eyed supervisor), and the arm supports will hold your hands effortlessly in a relaxed typing position on your computer keyboard. Your noise-reduction headphones pipe sweet, relaxing music into your ears to soothe you to sleep, while your glasses have been designed to minimise the entry of light for a deeper slumber. From the outside, your glasses make your eyes appear open and focused on the screen in front of you—so you don’t have to worry about your colleague on the other side of the cubicle popping her head over the partition.
But what about the tell-tale screensaver? Well, we've thought of everything. As you nap, your computer will emit the sound of keys being typed, while the screensaver simulates a spreadsheet detailed enough to deter even the most curious overseer.
Remember those phrases you recorded when you unpacked the WorkRepose3000™? Well, here's the feature that sets the WorkRepose3000™ apart from the others. If anyone should call out any of your names (you can register up to six of them), our patented voice recognition software will play one of your pre-recorded responses, which you can read from a script provided—or invent one of your own! Options include:
- "I'll be right with you."
- "I'm just in the middle of something."
- "Give me a few minutes, I'm on hold." (Remember, you've got your headset on.)
In fact, our voice recognition software is so sophisticated, it can even recognise up to three separate voices. All you have to do is find a way to secretly record these voices to input into the program, and if any of them are detected within twenty feet of your computer, the WorkRepose3000™ will emit one of the personalised, pre-recorded messages. For example, if your boss (let's say her name is Audrey) should come to your desk and say something addressed to you, you can program the automated voice response to reply, in your voice, "Very sorry, Audrey, this spreadsheet has been giving me hell all day. I'll be with you as soon as I'm done."
And when you wake, the WorkRepose3000™ will give you a full run-down of each attempted contact while you were sleeping. Moments later, refreshed and bounding with energy, you can give Audrey your undivided, well-slept attention. You can even program the WorkRepose 3000™ to wake you when it hears Audrey’s voice, certain keywords or just before a meeting you must attend. Never miss a work birthday cake again!
The days of forcing yourself to stay awake at work are through. Don't work harder, work smarter! Try the WorkRepose3000™ obligation-free for 30 days, and feel the results from day one.
Yearning for a shorter work day? WorkRepose3000™! Want to get more done at work? WorkRepose3000™! Not sleeping enough at home? WorkRepose3000™!
Don't wait for self-driving cars so you can sleep during your commute. The answer to your prayers is already here: WORKREPOSE3000™!!!
In fact, we're so confident of the WorkRepose 3000™, if you don't like it, just send it back for a full, no-questions-asked refund.
(WorkRestPlay Corporation cannot accept responsibility for lost employment due to use of product. Not suitable for snorers and droolers.)
Studies have shown that a fifteen minute power-nap can increase productivity up to two hundred per cent. Yet there’s still stiff resistance to the introduction of mandatory staff napping in the American workplace. That's why we at WorkRestPlay Corporation are proud to introduce you to an innovative new product that will revolutionize work as we know it.
The WorkRepose3000™ (patent pending) will boost your productivity, add years to your life and make you the star of the office!
When you unpack your WorkRepose3000™, you'll find a CD-ROM to insert into the hard disk drive of your personal computer. Follow the prompts and soon enough you'll be asked to record several messages into your computer using the headset provided. That's all the preparation that's required. Easy!
Then, when you're ready to use the WorkRepose3000™, simply go to the nearest restroom on your way back from lunch. Place the provided glasses on your face, the headset on your ears, and slip on the super-comfortable WorkRepose3000™ corset under your work shirt. Return to your desk, drawing as little attention to yourself as possible, as the corset holds your arms in a fixed position not usually associated with walking.
Double-click the WorkRepose3000™ icon on your computer screen, put your phone on silent and settle in for the sweetest nap of your life. Your corset will hold you comfortably upright in your chair, the neck brace will stop your head from falling (a tell-tale sign for the eagle-eyed supervisor), and the arm supports will hold your hands effortlessly in a relaxed typing position on your computer keyboard. Your noise-reduction headphones pipe sweet, relaxing music into your ears to soothe you to sleep, while your glasses have been designed to minimise the entry of light for a deeper slumber. From the outside, your glasses make your eyes appear open and focused on the screen in front of you—so you don’t have to worry about your colleague on the other side of the cubicle popping her head over the partition.
But what about the tell-tale screensaver? Well, we've thought of everything. As you nap, your computer will emit the sound of keys being typed, while the screensaver simulates a spreadsheet detailed enough to deter even the most curious overseer.
Remember those phrases you recorded when you unpacked the WorkRepose3000™? Well, here's the feature that sets the WorkRepose3000™ apart from the others. If anyone should call out any of your names (you can register up to six of them), our patented voice recognition software will play one of your pre-recorded responses, which you can read from a script provided—or invent one of your own! Options include:
- "I'll be right with you."
- "I'm just in the middle of something."
- "Give me a few minutes, I'm on hold." (Remember, you've got your headset on.)
In fact, our voice recognition software is so sophisticated, it can even recognise up to three separate voices. All you have to do is find a way to secretly record these voices to input into the program, and if any of them are detected within twenty feet of your computer, the WorkRepose3000™ will emit one of the personalised, pre-recorded messages. For example, if your boss (let's say her name is Audrey) should come to your desk and say something addressed to you, you can program the automated voice response to reply, in your voice, "Very sorry, Audrey, this spreadsheet has been giving me hell all day. I'll be with you as soon as I'm done."
And when you wake, the WorkRepose3000™ will give you a full run-down of each attempted contact while you were sleeping. Moments later, refreshed and bounding with energy, you can give Audrey your undivided, well-slept attention. You can even program the WorkRepose 3000™ to wake you when it hears Audrey’s voice, certain keywords or just before a meeting you must attend. Never miss a work birthday cake again!
The days of forcing yourself to stay awake at work are through. Don't work harder, work smarter! Try the WorkRepose3000™ obligation-free for 30 days, and feel the results from day one.
Yearning for a shorter work day? WorkRepose3000™! Want to get more done at work? WorkRepose3000™! Not sleeping enough at home? WorkRepose3000™!
Don't wait for self-driving cars so you can sleep during your commute. The answer to your prayers is already here: WORKREPOSE3000™!!!
In fact, we're so confident of the WorkRepose 3000™, if you don't like it, just send it back for a full, no-questions-asked refund.
(WorkRestPlay Corporation cannot accept responsibility for lost employment due to use of product. Not suitable for snorers and droolers.)
